A Temporary Moment of Extreme Candor

Lately, I’ve been having a ton of sleepless nights. Those that know me well would probably immediately assume from that statement that I am a borderline insomniac because I’m probably reading or writing and am fully immersed in it.

I admit, usually this assumption is correct. However, tonight’s nothing like those nights because I’m not reading or writing (other than this blog post). My mind, however, is still running 100 miles/hour.

I’m not analyzing the words of the last book I read because I’m suffering from a severe book hangover. And I’m not agonizing over word choice for my next book. I’m sitting up thinking about the fact that I think I regret wanting to become a writer.

This is a hard business to get into, and with so many self-published books being released on a daily, it is even harder. So while yes, self-pubbing makes it easier to put the material out there, it makes it much harder for it to become noticed.

But I don’t think that is the only problem. I really doubt my skill and talent as a writer. I’ve never had people outside of close friends and family members read what I have written, and provide feedback. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad my friends and family members support what I do.  It’s just that I think the compliments from them have over-inflated my ego.

Most people I know don’t read a lot, and so most of them would probably never become novelists or publish a book, short story, or any other piece of literature. I’m not saying this to put them down. They have things that they are fricken awesome at that I’d probably (definitely) never be good at. I’m saying this because the fact that they’d never write an 83,000 word book, they are easily impressed when I tell them that I have.

I’m rambling a lot so I’m going to end this post soon so let me get to the point. The point is, I’m sending my work out to critics. I want to hear from people that do read to see if I have something good. To help me see whether or not I’ve got real talent. While I wait for responses from the critics, I’m taking a hiatus from writing/publishing material. I’ve spent a lot of time–no, make that invested a lot of time–into my dream of becoming a writer. Time I could be using to work on other things. Time that I can never get back. I guess it’s also fitting that while I’m on my break I also take a break from blogging and social media.

With all this said, I want to thank everyone who has supported me this far. You have no idea the joy it brings to me knowing I have people that love me enough to get behind whatever is my flavor of the moment (in this case, that just so happens to be my writing). I could never repay you for your unconditional support. I also want to thank those that decided to take a chance on me and have purchased and read NPLH. You all bring me hope. Good night, world.

-B.

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